Raw & Real: the unexpected truth about being spiritual.
If you are looking for a soft approach, please go to my main page search box and put in your request. There are meditations and blogs for just about every spiritual circumstance one might encounter. If you want to grow your spiritual connection, read Divine Accordance, the big book I wrote about how channeled prayers helped me heal and learn to be a clear channel.
I wrote, worked, prayed and channeled for sixteen years before I decided to stop denying the “other” part of myself. Raw & Real exposes me in a new way. It makes me vulnerable. And to be honest, I am not quite comfortable with it. Not yet.
Join me in this journey. I look forward to your feedback.
Vision. That’s the word that comes to me when I ask about 2019. Clairvoyant means clear vision, but I don’t think it is clairvoyance that will give me the type of vision I would like for 2019. I want to expand my consciousness around the idea of possibility. What can I dream up? What can I expand?
And: what limitations can I leave behind?
You may know that we listed our home in September 2018. We had an immediate contract, which fell through. Since, we have been waiting for that special person to buy our house. There have been lookers, and positive feedback, but not “the one”.
I have helped clients in this situation many times. We look at energy from different perspectives. One view might be attachment; energy tightly wound around something. Price can be discussed, as well as value. Each component has an energy. There are influences from each side: buyer and seller. If there is a divine plan for the seller, there might be a delay so that what is coming has time to arrive. The buyer might not be looking yet, possibly feeling an inkling that will be realized soon.
I have applied my knowledge to my situation, and what a frustrating venture that is! My husband and I said from the beginning that we didn’t want to move in the winter. That removes many months. A contract in October might close in December. We took the house off the market December 15th and will resume soon.
When I ask my guides, “What now?”, I feel impatient. I have utilized my own abilities, hired others to help, and feel the energy is wide open for a buyer and a new adventure. Waiting isn’t my strongest virtue. My personality/human design/MBTI is made for planning. Creating. And…. ah, I see: Vision.
How can I use vision to create the future?
Here are a few issues. I don’t want to learn the hard way. I don’t want to be unhappy. I want/choose peace, ease and comfort. I do not want to move into a house I don’t or won’t like. I don’t want to move twice. I don’t want to spend too much money. I don’t want to have allergies to anything in or near the house. I don’t want spiders/alligators/mice in the house. Or yard, if you’re a gater. I want easy access to Colorado if we move to another state.
There’s more, but as you can see I have quite a few “don’t wants”. We know, per psychology, that the subconscious creates from positive statements. I have mind-mapped and soul mapped my new desires. I have affirmed and meditated consistently about this huge life change. Where is the energy off?
Years ago, 2010 I believe, a tree fell on our house. It was enormous, bigger than the insurance company had seen. The silver maple clipped the corner of our kitchen damaging the roof, trusses and exterior. I could not believe it happened. I called a friend who did energy work on land and property. I needed to clear what pushed that tree; I felt desperate and my meditations were a mess from worrying about how to deal with everything.
She said, “Holly, sometimes a tree just falls.”
She assured me that this was simply an act of nature. Within days, the Universe started showing me a few things. What shingles shall you pick? I hadn’t thought about it, I never liked the old t-locks that were greenish gray, but replacing a good roof is not reasonable. What about siding? The current siding is no longer made.
The tree gave us a new exterior. After everything was done, our house value increased. My level of happiness was exponentially amplified when the aesthetics pleased me. The old siding was actually pretty ugly…
In hindsight, I feel gratitude. Now I want to move. The past shows me that I must visualize, dream and be active to create what I want, but also, I must surrender. Stay out of the way so that my High Self can manifest while I do what I can to clear the path. Meanwhile, I think of how grateful I am that this house has given my family so much… and attempt to be patient.
What does the 2019 offer you? What can you dream up? What words come to mind when you ask about the energy that will help you most in 2019?
For me, my house is for sale. We are planning to travel and explore. I am still writing, painting, creating. My first fiction book will be published! Changes will happen. My choice: peace, ease and comfort. Love. Happiness. Expansion.
Through all that you create in this coming year, I wish you the easiest learning, the best rewards, as well as everything through the lens of your heart.
Today’s a good day for something. But what is it?
That’s the sentence I was given when I asked, “What would be a good thing to post on Facebook to create some interaction with people?”
You’ve seen it, right? Where people ask a question to engage you in conversation? What’s your opinion on this? If you were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would you take? (You’re answering me, aren’t you?) Or, for the misspellers of the Universe, make it a dessert island. (Dark chocolate.)
I like the suggestion Myself* gave me. However, I was getting ready for my day and I knew if I picked up my phone to type it in, I might get lost on Facebook. Which I commonly call Portal to Distraction. I would try to type first, not read any posts, make it work not play. It wouldn’t happen. Some story or video or engaging post would suck me in and thirty minutes later I would get mad, shut down the app and think about how much time I just wasted. AND if Facebook is a waste of time, why would I want to post something there, engage with people and spend time replying? Minus several more hours of my day. WHICH, by the way, started with an idea: this is a good day for something.
But what is it?
My first inclination, when I heard Myself say that, was to visit some trees. I thought of Ceran St. Vrain Trail. (A beautiful hike near Jamestown, CO.) Or Roosevelt Park, here in Longmont, CO. My mind jumped from treed area to forest to park to my own yard. Today is a good day to visit trees. For me anyway.
I wanted to share this raw and real moment because we all face the possibility of distraction, or interference. It could be home, family, work, illness or social media. If we set an agenda, there is the chance it won’t happen. I feel like someone just said, “Chance? More like probability.” I have had those days. Moments where I stare out the window and can’t get to the trees just outside. Days where I must concentrate on my fingertips to remember what bark feels like. Maybe I open a window and smell outdoors, versus be there.
We each face our own challenges when creating the reality we want. And by want, I mean what’s in your heart. Your deepest yearning. Not just what gets you out of a current experience. I am talking big picture.
Shifts in reality transpire on Facebook. On the internet. Don’t they? Don’t we fall into rabbit holes on the web and think/dream/want/visit/pine/long for… what we see? Portal. To. Distraction.
Do I hate social media? No. I am an artist. Sagittarian EMFJ*. Social Media is the coolest thing since acrylic paint, am I right? I am in touch with people all over the world. I learn things. Watch children grow and know when something significant happens to my friends.
However, I am reluctant to be my spiritual self on that platform. Why? I have studied this for some time. I think I know the answer, but maybe not. Here’s my guess: It’s too sacred. My spiritual meanderings are too sacred (at least to me) to glibly post. I like memes, but I prefer meditation. Quotes and inspirations? Yes, of course. But I would rather know what you received in your personal messages.
That is why I am going to ask you a favor. I want to expand my email list. My way of marketing has always been different, and it looks like that will continue. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., these aren’t my platforms. And my audience doesn’t need to be vast. I love divine alignment. When the right person hears the perfect thing when they need it.
Would you please help me build my mailing list? If you could forward this to someone who might feel aligned, I would greatly appreciate it. If you have a friend that would benefit by being on my mailing list, could you suggest that idea to them? My website is a resource for spiritual advice. Tell your friends to use the search button for anything they are going through. Free meditations are still available.
Today’s a good day for me to make a request.
If you know me, and most of you do because for years I have kept my mailing list personal, you know that I am hands on. I talk to people, try to help them.
Today’s a good day to spread your wings.
I might expand that consciousness a little. I might put myself out there more. I might even publish a new book soon and advertise it more than the other two I published. I might.
Today’s a good day to be okay with what you have done in life. To be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.
Today is a great day to love and appreciate the divine channels within yourself; to let your spiritual voice flow.
Today is the best day to look in the mirror and say, “I love you. I love who you are and who you will become. I even love who you were.”
Thank you. From my heart to yours. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
*Have you read Martha Beck’s book Diana, Herself? I *loved *it.
*Meyers-Briggs personality test. Don’t know your type? Take the test for free, it’s quite informative! https://www.16personalities.com/
If you have read Divine Accordance, or heard me speak in the last ten years, you know about it. The Discord Prayer. The single most powerful prayer in the lands.
But seriously, DP (Discord Prayer; free copy @ http://lightworkersalliance.com/lightwork/prayers-2/) (I just made that up, never have I nicknamed this prayer before…. but***) changed my life.
It taught me that I can sever connections by asking my guides to stop negative energy from entering any and all fields, levels, layers via all time, space, dimension. And doing a few other things. Like being honest about who is toxic and who is responsible. The answer: me.
It means that YOU are responsible for YOUR life. It’s a darn hard concept to understand. When I took this in, it was after a Ho’oponopono workshop with Dr. Hew Len. I cried on the couch for three days. “I’m responsible for famine? Rape? Murder? Child injustices?
No. Just noooooo.
Ho’op (which I did nickname for obvious reasons) explains that we are responsible for everything we see. Feel. Hear. Experience. That we are only here with our Divine selves and everything else is a manifestation of something to learn or heal or clean.
It was over ten years ago that I made this adjustment and it helped be grow. And grow. Annnnnd grow. Then heal. Then expand into the massive light that I Am. I don’t manage all this Light alone. I have a team of ethereals.
Guess who else has a team of ethereals? You. And your neighbor. Your family members. Yeah, everyone.
Now, the bare bones of this writing. Who is toxic?
Essentially, someone is: you are.
I know this is a hard pill to swallow. Especially if you are in the muck. Just remember, if you are doing anything alone: You are doing it the hard way. I used to. I am formerly of the School of Hard Knocks. But I quit that protocol and changed it to Peacefully, Easily, Comfortably. And that is when my life changed forever.
PEC. DP. Ho’op.
Learn these and change your life.
Why and how? Why? Because you want to change your life for the better. You want to be free of negativity, toxicity.
How is simple, just get determined to be in less pain and more joy. Demand and command it. Scream to the ethers that everyone needs to help you right now. Guides don’t care about cursing and fit throwing. I am positive about this, I was never what one might call an exemplary student. Ask anyone that knew me when I started on this path. Least likely to channel might have been me. Most stubborn. Last to get the memo.
Don’t give up. Never, ever give up on yourself. They don’t: Angels. Guides. Ascended Masters. Loved ones crossed-over (including animals). Light Beings committed to serve you never give up. They love and support you unconditionally.
I hope you can take all that in, let it grow from a tiny seed to an enormous tree of knowledge and then work on this: Stop calling people toxic. Stop blaming others for what you create.
Toxicity is awful, I am not saying it doesn’t exist or that you should put up with it. This suggestion is about empowering yourself to create something better. Try this exercise, pick one:
Doormat? -or- Empowered Conscious Being?
Taken advantage of? -or- Watching others make decisions without feeling obligated?
Victim? -or- Creator?
The second one. Pick the second ones! Right? You want to help people by watching them learn, not participating in their mistakes? You would like to peacefully disagree with someone, versus going along because you have no voice? Don’t you want to create your life, not live subjected to someone else’s decisions?
Yes. (Say yes.) (Fist pump or something!)
There are no toxic people. Okay, there are, but they aren’t **itting on your world. Okay, maybe they are but you ARE NOT watching and complaining to other people about it, are you? You are pushing them to the street. Demanding they “go” somewhere else. Aren’t you?
I am not longer a victim. (Say it!)
You are taking responsibility and cleaning up your space. You demand peace, ease and comfort from everyone and everything. You are putting on your ethereal boxing gloves and kicking some energetic booty. Right?
Aren’t you ready to be the Divine Light that you are?
Do you think Jesus said, “Yes, I understand, but you’re toxic.”
No. Buddha/Jesus/Krishna would sink their lighted hands right into that energy and everything would vibrate…. into…. Compassion. That is how we heal toxicity. We look at the big picture. We love people through there pain. We give people space to grow.
We love each other.
Someone treats you poorly, “Hey, I love you, but you can’t do that here. Go away. Heal. Come back and tell me about it.”
It’s not easy to chase off the wounded, maybe you have a contract to help them heal. It gets tricky, trying to figure out whether to have compassion, help or boundaries. However, I have faith that you can juggle this without projecting. Without blaming. I have faith that you have tools, or can create tools, to take responsibility and understand.
There are no toxic others, there’s just toxic us. Toxic me.
The Discord Prayer is a great place to start. Read it and let me know what you think.
Love and light,
***speaking of nick-naming prayers, a friend did call this prayer “only love, only love” which incited meditations and lessons on how to program prayers. You can read about that in Divine Accordance.
It’s a strange prospect, to sell your house.
I feel fortunate in several ways. One, I live in a prosperous county. After 26 years, we are literally sitting on our retirement.
I am grateful that we chose to move. Chose to list our house. After years of ‘feast or famine’ living in a self-employed/contractor lifestyle, I feel settled and safe. Feeling safe; I wish that I could bottle that one. A few drops in the morning and off you go; safe all day. The closest I can get is meditation. A few moments in the morning… and viola.
I have meditated here, in my home or in my barn or in one of the back yards for over twenty years. I have held ceremony here. Prayed here and played here. This small area of land, one that I have a piece of paper from Boulder County, Colorado that claims I own it, has hosted me through births/deaths, illness, teenagers, holidays, parties, tears, joy and more.
I came into my gifts here, the ones I use to read energy. I created so many pieces of art here. Taught meditation and art classes. Passed tissues to clients while they released. Hugged people before they left my barn. My Goddess, I love the red barn. That hundred-year-old structure with a door to nowhere and sculptured green carpeting. So many times, I wanted to get an office in Longmont. A legit place with newer furniture and a waiting room. However, every time I mentioned it, people would say no. I was told that my art studio is comfortable and… safe. I would never want to sacrifice feelings of safety for what my ego thinks is legitimate.
So I stayed. Year and year. So many mandalas, quilts, paintings, etc. Two published books. Several more written. Thousands of meditations and readings. I never paid attention to how many readings I had given. Then I saw the number of recordings on my old digital. It was 3000 something. How could that be? Let’s minus false starts and possible glitches. So 2500? And before that I used cassettes. Then there is my new recorder, which is several years old. Wow. I have been doing a lot of work.
There is one more thing I am feeling fortunate about, or maybe two. Okay, there’s more but I am narrowing in for now. My husband said no, no and no to selling for two years before we jumped in together. Then one day, he said: Let’s do it. I named the date (which we missed) but I told him, “There is someone circling, I can feel it. The person wants this home and property and I don’t want them to miss this. We must hurry.” So we did. Clearing for staging. Storage. Packing. We fixed some ignored things. Painted and cleaned. It was cathartic; an emotional service to a home/property we love.
The house was available for on-line viewing for three days before our Saturday open house. Someone booked a showing at 11am, the exact time we opened. Bobby and I were in the outbuildings so our realtor didn’t have to cover the area. The 11am was a woman and her brother, with their realtor. We chatted a bit, but I was supposed to let people look and stay out of the way. I liked her immediately, a kindred spirit. My studio is nearly gutted, I mean stripped bare of anything that might suggest that I do readings. But she could feel the energy. She said, “I can feel the love here.” Oh! I love that! As we talked, she said she did Shamanic work; I confessed to doing readings and told her that the energy was toned down now. I wish she could have felt it before when I had five energy windows starting at the driveway so that people could shift in frequency slowly.
Side note: I did this, with the help of my guides, after having problems with people being dizzy with reactions to elevated frequency. I asked and was told that it would be much easier if people entered slowly. I was shown how to create a “window” at the door of my upstairs studio. Then later, one was needed at the door to the barn. Another added to the opening of the space where my desk was. One more at the end of the driveway and then a second one in the driveway.
The woman and her brother decided to buy our home. Bobby and I both liked them and are very happy to see our home be used as we used it. Not torn down for condos; but loved and honored. Utilized as the energy powerhouse that it is. Even with what I have done here, what others have done here, dialed back to low key, someone felt it. She made a clarion call and sent some winged spirit to soar over all the land and lead her to where her work can flourish. I am so pleased someone will write here. Heal here. Sing here. I barely know this woman and her brother, but I feel these things.
There will be more love here. More grounding and more creation. I cannot express how fortunate I feel that the walls of 836 will vibrate with positivity. That someone else found the energy here pleasing.
I am honored to have been a custodian of 836 15th Ave. Grateful for the trees I have loved since I laid eyes upon them. Blessed by squirrels, hawks, eagles, owls, foxes, one amazing dog, four cats, a few snakes, geese, ducks, hummingbirds occasionally, song birds galore, bees, more spiders than I care to invite (but appreciate for their skills and messages!), some mice and my beautiful mourning doves. (Actually, they are ring-necked Eurasian doves. A common mistake.)
So much to leave. How will I ever manage to express my gratitude? Letters to Gaia? One more fire before we go? (If you know us, lol… because, duh. There’s always wood in the fire pit and something to release being thrown in.) How do you explain 26 years of, well, everything?
Each of my kids, one daughter and two stepsons, have gone through their own process. I am wondering about my own. Will I always be a steward here? A caretaker of what anchored? How many beings of Light have I asked to help, ground, hold, clear/release, assist? What gnomes/undines/sylphs/salamanders* have I invoked? Angels? Guardians? Ascended Masters? Gods and Goddesses? The plant beings. Animals guides. All my rocks and crystals. My tools enhanced through ceremony.
Maybe I should stay.
Why would I leave this place? When I look at what I did here, I wonder that myself. But not enough to doubt that my path lays before me like a lighted runway. It is time to leave here, to shift into my next knowing. To land anew somewhere else.
And before that happens, to explore.
Thank you for walking the journey with me.
Thank you to every single being that came to 836 to see me, to heal here, to release and be freed here. You brought me blessing upon blessing and my gratitude is not something I can express adequately. But it is how I can live. I can walk on this Earth with my heart full from every tear that fell here. Hearts that opened, wounds that healed. Partners located, homes created, happiness found. My God/Goddess I am grateful. Open. Free.
Blessings to you – Holly
PS: *to understand more about the elements of Earth, I found this quick read: http://www.faena.com/aleph/articles/the-four-elemental-beings-of-earth-according-to-paracelsus/
If you crave more info, deeper understanding, find a copy of Gnosis and the Law by Tellis S. Papastavro. Here’s an Amazon link.
Thank you to everyone that responded to my recent newsletter. I am overjoyed to know that Raw and Real is finding its audience.
And… thank you for all the responses to that news I am moving. Clients are not liking the empty barn. One suggested I buy my own house. Another said she felt like she was born here. (Oh my heart…) It makes me feel good to know that people love it. A prospective buyer told me that she could feel the love on our property. With all the lightwork I have done here, I hope it sinks into every wall and rock and blesses the next owner.
But the question remains: WHY are YOU moving????
It appears inquiring minds want to know… Why are you leaving your property? Isn’t it perfect for you? What else could you need?
I love 836, I do. It’s just time. Time for my retired husband to not worry about caring for five outbuildings and half an acre of yard. Time for us to find the next spot to develop into the beings we are becoming. And since you all know me, you will likely guess that energy is the bottom line for me.
When I meditated on why I felt the urge to move, my guides explained that when I came to 836, it supported me. The energy has changed, and now I am doing work to support the property.
It’s not good or bad. It is simply that there is a better place for me to feel supported by nature and Earth while I do my work. There’s a calling, although I am not privy to the exact words yet, I am ready to open mySelf to it. As a lightworker and as a being who enjoys life. I intend to continue working and writing. And creating.
We are looking in Berthoud and Loveland, Colorado. I have a vision; the fruition remains to be seen. While we are hunting, our RV will be home. It’s scary and wild and feels like freedom. The losses and memories bubble up occasionally and I sit with them. Then joy comes in and I go pack a box.
Thank you for being part of this journey. I will post more as changes happen.
This is raw and real. Bittersweet. Releasing and scary. However, I feel the light and how much this feels right.
PS: That strange pic is the inside of my barn… so if you have been there, you can see new paint and missing stuff. The barn is waiting for it’s new person…
PPS: Click the little icon on the bottom right to get notified when I post in Raw and Real.
Raw & Real
When people meet me, they expect a certain level of… decorum. Or knowing.
You might say, oh no, people completely accept you as who you are. But they don’t. We don’t; I don’t. If you can hear Ascended Masters/Angels/Ethereal Beings/Guides/Whatever, there is a level of societal pressure. Expectations.
Since 2002, I have attempted to be a version of spirituality that is acceptable to the public, and me. Non-judgmental. Loving and kind. Well-spoken. I believe in goals, and aspirations. Yet, something hasn’t been sitting quite right with me for a while. My blogs, never exactly timely, have tapered into ghosts. I still do readings and write, but my desire to be public has dissolved into ashes blown away by a Rocky Mountain Chinook.
What I desire, is to be real. To expose myself in a new way. The words that came to me: raw and real.
I’m 53, past my selfie prime. But Raw and Real isn’t about how photogenic I am. (Not that there’s anything wrong with selfies…) It isn’t about Facebook ads or growing my business. Not even passive income or ROI.
Raw and Real is about searching flaws and bargaining with the ego. Teasing your fears until they come out to play. I don’t want to hide myself anymore.
Oh God. (Normally, I would edit that to something more appropriate.) (Leaving it.) Exposure; it’s true—I am flawed and fucked up. (Please forgive my foul language, but sometimes…) (And, ironically, I don’t like when people curse in writing. It’s perfunctory. Uneducated. Blah, blah, blah.)
I don’t plan to use my flaws to gather your flaws like flypaper. I am just tired of offering spiritual wisdom and bypassing the human me.
I tell people that there are no “clear” channels. Humans are conduit for Spirit, they are never totally out of the way. Information comes in the form of energy, through us. It uses our images, words and dialect. How could we possibly be void of what makes us human?
However, we can be accurate. Or nearly accurate. I make no qualms about wanting to be accurate, my work is based on it. It’s just that my humanness is there. And so is yours. We must master the ego by finding balance in what makes us third dimensional beings, that is raw and real. Fighting that is nonsense—as my guides say: it doesn’t make sense.
What does makes sense is mastering our multi-dimensional ability to work with our spiritual hierarchy. To be in service to Divine Light while having fun on planet Earth. To love on another. To leave behind judgment, embrace compassion and forgiveness.
In my attempt to be raw and real, and I hope you will join me, I will be sharing my thoughts. My failures, my suffering, my judgments/confusion/hopes/whatever. I don’t have a plan. What I have is support; guidance that tells me this is the way for me now.
Thanks for listening/reading. I have so much love for those of you who join me on this spiritual road. -hb