I started this blog (Raw and Real) so I could let my ego have a little sway. When I wrote lightBLOG I felt pressure to give something spiritual in every post without any negative feedback. That isn’t necessarily human. If I am honest, something I usually am to a degree of difficulty, Divine Timing is annoying. Aggravating. It sucks.
There are so many ways to interpret what is happening. Let’s take moving to Florida, for instance. We looked at a few houses to get familiar with a particular area. (Crystal River and east.)
We still owned our house in CO, but had some wiggle room with finances. When we “accidentally” ran across an amazing home on a lake, we fell in love. The owner’s said would finance us until our CO house sold. They were pleased to sell us their house, boat, furnishings, garage items. We negotiated a price, shook hands and everyone smiled really big. The owners began their legal due diligence to finance. Glitch number one: their lawyer. They were advised in worse-case scenarios. (What if Bobby dies and Holly trashes the house? –actual quote.) Things became complicated. Because we found the FL house without a realtor, we asked a local attorney to write a contract. When the owner’s attorney went off the rails with demands, she said, “There are two things you don’t do fast: get married and buy a house. Walk away today.”
We were devastated. What seemed to be the answer to our desires, land already lodged in our hearts, was now gone. Letting the owners know wasn’t a big deal, they had another party interested. We had nothing in writing.
Fine. We were done. In a meditation I was told to let go. Let Go. Release. If this Divine Timing deal and Divine Order thing were happening then another house was out there, and a better one. We called a realtor and scheduled a day to see more properties.
Now is about the time I admit that I want to live in Florida. Florida, USA. Just about everyone gives me negative feedback about moving there. Colorado is sought after. We have an incredible property. My office is in a barn. So why the heck am I leaving? For me, it is for the same reason I left Phoenix in 1989. And Missouri in ’86. This feels like my next step.
There is something in Florida for me, and it’s not oranges. It’s the water. There is a Divine Alignment for me there and I am answering a Clarion Call for help.
Breathing. Pouting. Giving up. That’s what letting go felt like. Each day was a long mental masturbation of failure. My heart got invested and I felt loss. I fell in love with this tree and now she won’t be mine. The view of the lake won’t be there for my morning tea. A few days passed while we kayaked local spring fed rivers and vacation. Then the phone rang. One of the owners tells us, “Don’t look for another house yet, this deal is on life support!” We weren’t pleased. It was too much of an emotional yo-yo. However, the meditation I mentioned earlier, it also reminded us to be generous. I assumed this to mean financially, but maybe it meant emotional generosity? We tried our best to hide disappointment and be polite.
Then, another phone call. The house is now available.
This time, we asked our realtor to represent us. Personally, I needed to keep my body stress free and the energy around this was more and more phrenetic. The owners were less than pleased. We had a handshake agreement the first time, which was ignored. This time we went in with paperwork. After the owner finance fiasco, we had acquired a local bank loan. Our ducks were in a row. Their ducks were angry. The wife of the owner team became hostile. The husband wasn’t happy but kept negotiating.
Another glitch pops up: they signed up with a FSBO service that lists properties on the MLS. There is a paragraph that states a buyer’s agent can receive a commission. From the seller. They weren’t having it. It was nearly another deal breaker. But we kept looking at our tiny fridge where I had taped a note. Be generous.
We offered to pay half the commission. They agreed. Everyone signed and after night upon night of clenching my jaw, irrationally hating our RV, getting overwhelmed over dinner choices, etc, we had a deal.
Was all that craziness Divine Timing? Here is what a friend told me: “The Universe could not have been more obvious. Just had to convince the sellers to align…and you did! Now we focus on the contract going thru seamlessly.”
Does that mean that I waited and agonized (personal problem, I know) because someone else wasn’t having the same Divine Timing as me? Apparently, yes. I learned something. About myself and about others.
We will wait. We will be the Divine Beings that we are and be in service for our fellow humans. We need each other. I needed the immaculate, well kept, organized, perfection of the FL house. They needed to release it for whatever reasons they have/had. On some plane, our souls were probably lounging, “Hey, let’s wait a bit longer. 3D is hard right now, you know, with all the interference. Let’s give them a few more days.”
Okay. A message would have been nice. Oh wait—there was one. Several. Every meditation. Every phone call to friends. Every plea/begging gave me the same energy: let go. Surrender. Be at peace.
I am not a fan of spiritual by-passing. I don’t say, “If it’s supposed to happen, it will.” Why? Because I am the Divine Creator of my life. I create. But, alas, (back of hand to forehead, sigh) there is always that higher part of myself running things.
Is it all about ego? Is that my real battle?
Oh hell, possibly. But guess what… I am going to contemplate that while I watch sunrises over my new lake. In super hot Florida. From a ranch house. Where I am building a new workspace. After the chaos I take full responsibility for, I am pleased to say that it has almost all worked out.
Namaste, beloveds. I really do see the Creator in you. And in me.
Gratefully,
Holly
